Tent humor

The story took place in one of the campaigns .
Due to the sudden approach of twilight, we had to spend the night
near the village. Fortunately, it’s not far from the place where we arranged an overnight stay
there was a large pile of firewood, apparently there was a traffic jam here in the spring
of everything that floated down the river. I clear out the jam, carry wood to the fire and
I stumble upon the coffin lid. I don't give any importance to this.
Night. We are lying in a tent. I wake up to voices - someone is talking
in the night and constantly calls - “Man, Man!”
I lie there and listen, everything is the same, someone is walking through the bushes and occasionally
the call “Man!” is heard.

I don’t want to get up and leave the tent,
but half after the phrase “Man, look, why is it difficult for you?”
I make up my mind and quietly look out of the tent. Apparently they don't see me, because
that the shuffling through the bushes and shouts of “Man!... Man!” continue.
I leave the tent and stand next to the fire (so that I can be seen). Absolutely
no changes, still someone walks through the bushes and calls for a man
look out. I calm down and lie down without understanding what is happening.
After some time, everything fell into place because the man still
replied. His response consisted of a drawn-out "Moooo." Happy people
Let's drive the bull home. Soon everything died down except my laughter.

One day he and his friends went on a hike . Well, like drinking vodka in nature.
The tent, everything... And among them there was one... um... well, let's say...
A semi-ect who, when he gets drunk, vomits throughout his life. So, while they haven't yet
got completely drunk, they warned Poluekta that he would be there at night
lie in a tent, and that he will vomit in the tent, that they will lay him facing
exit, and in order to vomit without causing complaints, you will need to do
"WHACK!" (unzip on the way out), lean out, do your thing
multi-colored thing, and then stick it back in, again do “VZZZZZHIK!”
(fasten the zipper on the way out) and go to bed quietly.

When everyone was already in a near-insane state of pre-nirvana peace,
Poluekt was already sleeping near the tent... after consulting, they decided not to go into the tent
bring in ("It's all going to be messy anyway!") ... and left it outside. Facing
entrance of the tent... For those who have not yet moved in:

Waking up from unpleasant urges, Poluekt made a “VZHZZHIK!”
tent, vomited all around the entrance area, closed the entrance behind him and
continued to sleep peacefully...

A man sits in the evening by the river, next to the forest, catching fish.
It's evening. Suddenly, from the depths of the forest comes a terrible scream -
бля-я-я-аа-а-а-а-а-ааааа!!!!!!
The scream echoed throughout the forest. The man shuddered.
Well, okay, some time has passed and the man has already forgotten about this terrible
scream. I cast my fishing rod again.
Some more time passed, the sun was setting, and again, but already
much closer, the same heartbreaking scream was heard -
бля-я-я-аа-а-а-а-а-ааааа!!!!!
The man felt uneasy. Swallowed saliva, sat frozen for 5 minutes,
calmed down again, cast the fishing rod and looked at the float.
The sun had already set, it was time to get away, when the same one appeared again from the forest,
but already very close, a hysterical, not like a human cry -
fuck-i-i-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
And then the man could not stand it, his point was not made of iron, he threw the fishing rods and
I skidded to my tent. Climbed inside the tent and
It was closed from the inside with a zipper.
Sits, waits. SUDDENLY, the approaching crunch of dry branches was heard and
leaves, made by an unknown monster. The man found a crowbar in the tent,
squeezing it tightly in both hands and took a defensive position.
It didn't take long for it to penetrate inside the tent.
bloody limb and opened the zipper of the tent entrance. Following
a shapeless face rushed into the tent with a bloody hand
a stranger, covered in fresh blood. And a voice rang out:
- Man, do you have any matches?
The man, unable to bear it, hit the face with all his might with a crowbar.
stranger...
- Fuck-I-I-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!!!!!!!!!

tourists are sitting in a tent. Suddenly someone cuts the wall of the tent with a knife,
An unshaven, hairy face appears and asks: “You have a blue pencil
is there?" Everyone: "no, no." He leaves. They sewed up the blanket, they are sitting again. And suddenly
someone cuts the wall of the tent again. The same mug comes in and says:
"here!"

from the site http://www.petermag.ru